How to Help Your Kid Become ‘Rejection-Proof’

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Like many kids who are five, Jia Jiang’s son Brian hears “no” often. But distinct many kids, who competence see a word as their invitation to warp onto a building and wail, Brian sees it as an opportunity. Or during slightest that’s what his father is training him to do.

Jiang is famous as “the rejecting guy.” Five years ago, he started posting videos on YouTube of his “100 days of rejection” experiment, a personal query to overcome his low fear of conference a word “no.” For a determined entrepreneur, a contrition around rejecting was apropos a consistent trap, so he wanted to benumb himself to it. To do so, he willfully sought out rejecting on a daily basement by creation peculiar requests of strangers—he asked for “burger refill” during Five Guys (no), a hair trim during PetSmart (also no), and a doctrine in sales from a salesman during a automobile dealership (sorry, though no). He did get a lot of yeses, too—shout-out to Jackie during Krispy Kreme who courteously postulated his ask of concocting a Olympic pitch out of doughnuts—but what a examination unequivocally gave him was fearlessness. Now, after conference his renouned TEDx speak about a knowledge and reading his book Rejection Proof: How we Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection, people ordinarily ask him: What can relatives do to assistance their kids improved hoop rejection, a required partial of life?

Jiang has some ideas. Now with dual kids of his own, he believes we need to cruise of a ways we try to strengthen a children. “In top middle-class families, a idea is to make a kids feel good,” he says. “We wish them to feel happy. That is important, though what I’ve found we need to do is enhance their comfort level. we need to tell them that it’s excellent to get a no. Actually, I’ll say, ‘Why don’t we go out and keep perplexing to get nos? we wish we had finished this myself when we was 8 instead of when we was 30.”

Here’s what we can do to assistance your kids turn some-more rejection-proof:

Let “No” Be a Starting Point

“When we contend no to my kids, we don’t say, ‘No, finish of story. we don’t wish to hear we argue,’” Jiang says. “I say, ‘No. But give me an choice proposal.’ we don’t wish them to see ‘no’ as a finish of a conversation, though as a starting indicate of a negotiation.”


With his 5-year-old son Brian, negotiations occur all a time. “The man is a tiny monster,” Jiang says with a laugh. “In his mind, it’s always, ‘How can we get a yes?’” One night, Jiang says Brian wanted a popsicle for dessert, though popsicle night is on Wednesday, and it was usually Tuesday, that is mango smoothie night. Brian doesn’t unequivocally like mango smoothies, though he done his father a proposal: If he could have a popsicle that night, he would splash some-more mango smoothie than he routinely does a following day. Jiang says he wants a child to have some-more fruit, so he supposed a proposal.

Of course, “no” is mostly a final answer, and that’s fine, too. “Sometimes, no matter what he says, I’m not going to contend ‘yes,’” Jiang says. “The Golden Rule in sales is ‘Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer,’ though we cruise it’s excellent to be rejected. We should give people a leisure to reject us if they need to. When we’re reduction trustworthy to a results, it allows us to concentration on a possess efforts.”

Help Kids Build Their “Courage Muscle”

Courage is a ability that takes practice, that is something that we mostly need to remind myself. When Jiang set out on his 100 days of rejection, he started small, like seeking a assistant during Dominos if he could broach their subsequent pizza, and afterwards gradually increasing a problem of his challenges, operative adult to seeking for an talk with Barack Obama. Parents can assistance their kids practice their “courage muscle” by carrying them ask for what they want.


Over Thanksgiving, when Jiang’s family was about to get off a craft in Orlando, he asked Brian, “Do we wish to know what a cockpit looks like?” When Brian pronounced yes, Jiang said, “Why don’t we ask a commander to uncover you?” And so he did. “The commander was like, yeah, come on in!” Jiang says. “It was flattering cool.”

Jiang says it’s critical to regard kids for their acts of courage, though a approach in that we do it matters. “It’s not about praising a fact that they got something—it’s about praising their behavior. You don’t say, ‘Hey, good pursuit removing that candy.’ Instead, we can say, ‘I favourite a approach we asked.’”

Teach Them to Ask to Give

Becoming rejection-proof isn’t only about seeking for things for ourselves, though also seeking to give to others. Help kids learn how to burst in and help:“Can we assistance we lift your bags?” “Can we buy we a crater of coffee?” If they contend no, that’s okay.

Kids know a inlet of rejecting early on. Jiang vividly remembers when his first-grade clergyman had all a kids in his category enrich any other, and he was one of a few who did not accept any compliments. The pain followed him via his life. But after his 100-day experiment, Jiang satisfied that being deserted has zero to do with a worth—it’s only that what we’re charity does not fit with what a chairman wants or needs in that moment. He schooled to be beholden that people would cruise his offer, and that helped him pull forward. As parents, we can learn a kids that a “no” is not a end.

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Posted by on Dec 4 2017. Filed under Gadgets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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